There have been so many things holding me back from living my life. But the biggest root of it, was FEAR. I didn't realize it until, I started taking on a victim role in some of my personal circumstances. I am not one who lets myself be a victim. I have always been able to find a way out of negative circumstance. I wasn't brought up in a societal ideal situation, but did not let that hold me back from working towards my goals. Recently, I let anger, adversity, and the fear of success stop me dead in my tracks of working towards my goals. Now, bear with me as I get through my story of living with fear of success.
When my ex-husband and I were first separated, I worked hard to position and set myself up for success. I had big plans and dreams. I realized that many of our bills were not being paid during our marriage. In my single life, I vowed to not let this happen again. In our divorce, I took on all the debt and collections from my marriage. Because, my income was so much greater than his, I also take on more of the day-to-day expenses of raising our children (daycare is very expensive in Minnesota). Now, I am in worse shape financially and physically than I was two years ago.
Almost two years ago, I became a coach through Beachbody. I was given the opportunity through a friend who inspired me in so many ways. She encouraged me to take a leap of faith. During my weight loss journey, Ria was a big cheerleader for me. As I was weighing my decision, she reminded me of how many people I inspired during my weight loss journey. I remember taking a look at my bank account and weighing the opportunity. During my Weight Watchers days, my leader was pushing for me to come a leader. I knew I had the skill set to coach others. So, I signed up to coach and bought Piyo.
I had full intent of working the business. I did for awhile. My first paycheck paid for school supplies for my daughters. My fulltime job got busy, and I couldn't keep up with my Beachbody business. My business went on the backburner. I lost so much of myself. I gained weight. My confidence slipped. Fear was whispering in my ear.
I approached rock bottom. By this time fear had a strong hold on me. What if I get rejected? What if I let people down? What if I make more money and have to pay my ex-husband more money in child support? Child support that I cannot manage to pay at the moment, because living expenses are so high. This is B.S! I can't make ends meet and I am letting a four letter word hold me back. And, for the third time in my life I am more concerned about what others think about me more so than myself.
Fear, you are not welcome here anymore. I have had enough of you screwing up my life. You need to leave now, and don't let the door hit you on the way out.