Belief

When I was in Weight Watchers, the leader of my meeting would say, "Would you say, 'If I can do it, anyone can do it?''  This was usually in response to someone reaching a milestone or goal.  I had exceeded my goal.  Then, what happened?

Excuses happened.  They were my out.  My way of surrendering responsibility.  It just wasn't to my health.  It was to my whole self. 

These were some of the things I have been thinking and saying:

• I don't have time.
• I am a single mom.
• I don't have money for ________. 
• My kids won't eat what I make. 
• I am tired.
• I deserve a treat.
• It is just easier this way.
• I just want to relax when the girls are with their dad.

I was going over notes from some books I read, videos I watched, and BeachBody team calls I listened to that I have acquired in the past 10 months.  Most of them had the underlying message that anyone can succeed if he/she has belief in himself/herself.  I had believed in myself enough to lose a lot of weight, but somewhere along the line I realized that I stopped believing and caring.  I just surrendered to my world around me. 

My friends will tell you that I am a fighter, a survivor, an inspiration.  But lately, I haven't been much of those things.  And, it is because I gave up.  Why?  Because, I somehow developed the victim mindset and that won over my belief in myself.  How can I change this mindset?  I can surround myself with people who uplift me.  I can read, listen, and sumerse myself in personal development.  I can work out.  I can eat healthier foods.  I can work harder.  In short, I can focus and work on myself.

I can dispel my excuses.  I have time to work out.  I have work outs on DVDs that are about 30 minutes. I can meal plan (which will get healthier foods into my house and save my budget).  I can prep my foods (making healthier foods readily available).  I can lead by example for my kiddos.  And as far as being tired...if I was doing the above, I wouldn't be tired!  These are all things that I believed I could do before, and therefore I can do them again. 

This brings me to the idea of change and behavior modification.  I feel that in all of these different messages I have come across there is an underlying theme of fear and change.  It isn't necessarily that one is afraid of gaining good health, but they are focused on what they have to give up.  I found some of those in my excuses.  I know that having sweets in the house is going to be kryptonite to my weight loss.  But I keep buying it "for the kids".  What is going to happen if I stop buying sweets?  Well, there will be some tantrums, but eventually they will get over it.  They will see me eating well, using fruit to curb my sweet tooth, and not be reliant on treats. After a few or more tantrums, I will be stronger in many ways, I will have lost the fat that took up residence in my abdomen region, and I will have shown my kids that we do not need dessert after every meal.

I can do this.  I believe I will do this.  What is something that you believe you can do or are struggling to do?

The Overwhelm

Last week, I opened up about my struggle to get my head in the healthy lifestyle game.  This week, I did do better.  I spent time listening to my favorite personal development/growth podcasts and reflecting to understand what is really going on with me.  I realized that I am disconnected from myself.  I got to a mental place of where I am just getting through the day.   I know in order to move on from this island of mental funk, I need to reconnect myself with the April who lost 60 pounds before. 

I know I can't just jump in again with both feet.  I kept trying that, and getting the same results or worse.  My life was seeming really chaotic and full of obligations.  Obligations to my fulltime job, to my children, to my dog, to my friends, to my boyfriend, to fill in the blank.  I started putting myself on the back burner.  I am not doggin' on any of the above things.  I made the choice to prioritize my life in the way that I did, and it overwhelmed me. And, it feels good to understand how I was coping with the overwhelm.

Now, I really can't ignore the all of the crazy elements of my life.  I need my job.  My kids are not independent enough to not have me involved with their lives.  Until, my dog can open doors and feed and water herself; I have to be available for her as well.  My friends and boyfriend are understanding that I am juggling a lot.  My boyfriend is also a single parent, so he more than understands.  Then there are other things that keep coming up.  And, I need to come up with a plan on how I need to deal with them.

When I first saw Chalene Johnson through one of her infomercials (probably for TurboKick), I thought she was not my cup of tea.  I had known people who had success with her programs, and was reluctant to try them.  I once took a TurboKick class at the Y on accident.  The instructor for the class I intended to take was out, and the sub didn't know the routines for the format of said class.  I didn't die in TurboKick.  I wasn't running back to take the class anytime soon.  I heard people at the Y talk about how inspirational Chalene is and blah, blah, blah.  Then, I got PiYo.  (I miss PiYo...but more on that later)  It made me fall in love (not amore, but like/love).  She is so encouraging.  She teaches in a way that I don't feel like I am doing a DVD.  I feel like she is going to come out of the screen and reposition me if my form is bad.

I got PiYo when I signed on to be a BeachBody Coach.  I needed a program that was low impact, because I live in a second floor apartment.  I didn't want to disturb my neighbors with a lot of jumping around (cue House of Pain's "Jump Around").  Anyway, in my BeachBody coaching network, a lot of my fellow coaches were talking about Chalene's book, Push, her Podcast, and following her on social network.  They seemed to get a lot inspiration from this woman.  I submitted to peer pressure, and decided to check her out.  I started listening to her podcasts.

In several of her podcasts she talks about how she has designed her life.  How her life revolves around how she wants to feel.  My personal take, is that no one wants to feel overwhelmed.  Life happens and he get stuck on the hamster wheel.  We run and run and run and feel like we are going no where.  What kind of life is this?  My current lifestyle does not feel like I am fulfilling my purpose.  She encourages you to take a hard look at everything you are doing in your day.  Is what you are doing each day getting you closer to your goals?

• Are my jobs getting me closer to my goals?  Yes and no.  I love my fulltime job.  The past two months have been challenging.  BeachBody got put on the back burner, but it is what is going to get me closer to my health goals and fulfill my "bucket" of helping others.
• Do my children get me closer to my goals?  Of course they do, because they are my purpose; my drive.
• Does Dazie get my closer to my goals?  Yes, she brings peace and comfort to my life.  When things get really cray-cray it is so relaxing to pet and snuggle her.  I do talk to her, and it is nice to vent with out feedback and advice from time to time.
• Do my friends and boyfriend get me closer to my goals?  They do!  They are there cheering me on. 
• Does the fill in the blank get me closer to my goals?  I would say, "Most of the time, no."  These are things I do out of obligation.  My dear friend asking me to do a 5K - yes that helps me get closer to my health and fitness goals. 

Since, the fill in the blank is not getting me closer to my goals, I will be doing that a lot less.  I need to prioritize myself.  I need to plan and work my plan.  My plan are the plans I used to make to support my goals - meal plan, work out plan, plan how I am going to spend my time, etc. 

OK, I know you noticed that I didn't mention anything about my family outside of my kiddos.  That is because that is nonnegotiable.  They live 2 1/2 or more hours away, and if I am with them - I am with them. 

Do you have the courage to jump off the hamster wheel and blaze your path?